


Ocean Eyes

by sebbie



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, minor Gertchase
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 18:36:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13595967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebbie/pseuds/sebbie
Summary: Kissing Karolina feels like being kissed for the first time. Nico wonders if this is how kisses were supposed to be like after all. She feels herself coming alive and the world falling away in calm quiescence. Quiet certainty nestles in Nico’s chest, making itself at home. Her heart swells with awe and she shivers with delight.(Or, a fanfic on the kiss in 1x09)





	Ocean Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything creative (that's also just for fun) in a long while. I feel rusty. Regardless, hope you enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> [ Originally posted on Tumblr. ](https://karoseal.tumblr.com/post/169538143667/deanoru-ocean-eyes1x09)

“Karolina you want to come?”

Nico says it to spite Alex more than anything else. She’s still furious with him (and more than just a bit hurt that he’d lied to her). His hopeful tone irked Nico, grating against her already frazzled nerves. Truth be told, she didn’t want company. Nico just wanted to get out of the car. Take a breath, stretch her legs, clear her head, maybe drag Gert and Chase to the car by their ears. She was restless and anxious, and waiting for the two idiots, _wherever they are_ , wasn’t doing her any good— _what’s keeping them anyway_? _We have shit to wreck_.

Somewhere, in the back of her head, Nico has an answer to that question. She’s not blind and she’s not new to defense mechanisms and masks. Life has been pretty crazy lately, but she’s not too distracted not to notice Gert pining after Chase when she thinks no one is looking or, for that matter, the reverential look Chase occasionally throws Gert’s way.

Yes, Nico does have an answer to her question, she just doesn’t want to think about it given how she and Alex are— The thought almost makes her stop in her tracks, almost. She stutters in her steps instead, (and if Karolina noticed it, she doesn’t say anything, still lagging a few steps behind her in comfortable silence, which Nico is grateful for).

Despite herself, Nico frowns. Kisses don’t need to mean anything (and there’s a difference, Nico thinks distantly, between feeling giddy and feeling your heart flutter in your chest because someone kissed you). 

Making out with someone doesn’t need to mean anything, right? Just because it felt good in the moment doesn’t mean it had to mean something significant. What exactly does Alex mean to her anyway? She likes Alex. Liked him. Liked him for as long as she can remember she remembers nothing else. Still, somewhere between losing Amy and the years she and Alex had drifted apart, her feelings for him, the depth and truth of it, must've gone. Nico cares about Alex. She cares that he lied. She cares that she could lose him. Caring about him didn't mean she wasn't only clinging to echoes of an affection long past.

Nico knows she will continue to antagonize Alex whenever she could. She knows she would learn to forgive him enough. But whatever it was between them, whatever it was that could have happened between them— that was over. 

Nico walks just a little bit faster. Her strides are long and furious, a little more stomping and a little less striding. Nico hears Karolina’s heels behind her tapping against the ground faster as she picks up her pace.

Nico realizes, rather belatedly, that she kissed Alex because she didn’t know what else to do and the moment had seemed right. Alex needed someone. Nico _was_ someone and she was genuinely worried about him. She had wanted to comfort Alex though she didn’t necessarily have the words to do so and— Alex liked her, and Nico didn’t not like him, and making out with him wasn’t exactly terrible just…

Now was certainly not the best time to be doing some soul-searching, but it’s not like Nico had anything better to do (she could be fucking shit up already if Gert and Chase weren’t off somewhere—)

Nico was not new to guilt.

After Amy’s death, Nico had carried guilt on her shoulders the way Atlas carried the heavens. She never paused to give herself a break and she carried all the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens until they became her second shadow. Uncovering part of the mystery behind Amy’s death eased the weight on her shoulders but guilt remained a familiar companion nevertheless. Nico can’t pretend the surge she felt in her chest was anything but guilt as she climbed off Alex’s lap, lipstick smudged and heart thudding. What she couldn’t understand was _why_ guilt. What was wrong about making out with the boy who likes you (and, until now, someone she had liked)?  _Nothing_. But Nico can’t pretend she didn’t feel as though she’d done something wrong when Karolina catches them together.

Something about Karolina that day tugs at her memory like an annoying itch she can’t reach. It could just be her imagination. Tonight, especially. Too many things are happening at once and nothing will ever be as simple as it used to be. Maybe, _just_ maybe, despite her annoyance, she just wishes some things were a little less complicated. Even if those things only pertained to Alex. If Alex had just said something, then maybe… _Maybe, what_?

Nico decides that it’s _not_ just her imagination. There _was_ something off with Karolina that day, she just can’t figure it out yet. Karolina’s face when she caught Nico making out with Alex flashes through Nico’s mind. Karolina looked like a deer caught in the headlights trying not to be a deer and pretending there were no headlights to be caught in. “Guys,” she had said, her voice hadn’t exactly wavered, she hadn’t stuttered. But Karolina had paused too long for the silence not to mean anything and—

Nico lets herself think of Karolina.

Thinking about Karolina was, in all honesty, better than most other topics simmering in the back of her head. Wondering about Gert and Chase was gross. The whole thing with Alex just pisses her off. Thinking about what they’ll be doing tonight was exciting, the consequences of those things though, not so much. Thinking about the crazy shit their parents were up to, whatever the hell they’ve done, are doing, will be doing… So, yeah, thinking about Karolina was—

This time, Nico does stop walking. She scowls.

Since when did “Karolina” rank amongst the list of actually shitty things that has happened in her life. Karolina was (catching up)…

 _Nice_.

“Nico?”

Upon hearing voice of the girl in question, Nico’s scowl deepens.

“Are you—”

Nico looks at the other girl and shakes her head, tight-lipped smile in place, “It’s nothing, let’s just keep walking.”

Thankfully, Karolina doesn’t say anything else, she just nods (though she certainly looked like she wanted to interject). They kept walking, weaving through dancing and stumbling students as they kept an eye out for their missing friends. Nico scoffs quietly, those two wouldn’t be found in the crowd if her suspicions were true. Something else is bugging Nico, something other than _Gert and Chase are probably (definitely) boning_ , but she doesn’t know _what_ exactly. Just that it has something to do with Karolina and the guilt in Nico’s chest but—

They continue searching the crowd, and Nico’s becoming just a little bit more impatient with each passing second, _where the hell are Gert and Chase_? She can feel the anxiousness rising in her chest again, _okay, think, where do horny students go for a quickie_? Nico realizes they should probably be closer to the back of the building, somewhere conveniently deserted and far enough so no one would accidentally stumble across them. _I know where they might be_. The realization makes Nico pick up her pace and it’s all she can do not to grab Karolina by the hand and drag her along. The faster they find them, the quicker they can get shit done, and Nico can hopefully get some shut eye before the world explodes into something again.

Eventually, Nico finds Karolina’s silence to be more deafening than the music that was playing in the main hall (certainly more deafening than her mother’s usual rants, so that’s saying something). Inevitably, or as inevitably as it appears to Nico at least, her thoughts drift back to Karolina. The lesser of evils, she muses, even though Nico is still unsure why thinking about Karolina is setting her so off-balance. The nagging pull comes back, a little bit more insistent. A voice in the back of her head is telling her to turn around, face Karolina, and just _look_ at the girl. You might see something you’ve missed, her thoughts suggest, and Nico didn’t doubt it.

She doesn’t turn around. Instead, she thinks about the concerned frown etched on Karolina’s face just moments earlier. Nico was irked by it, but she wasn’t… exactly… bothered either? Bothered would have been the way Alex’s every hopeful look and well-meant gesture was currently making her blanch. In the wake of Karolina’s quiet concern, something else had settled in the pit of Nico’s gut. It wasn’t quite uncomfortable, not precisely welcome either, just… insistent. Like waves crashing tirelessly and repeatedly against rock formations unaware of how the rushing water was steadily, ceaselessly, _surely_ shaping its existence.

They reach the back of the building in due time. The scraping and tapping of their feet against the floor echoes in the empty hallways. Logically, Nico and Karolina should search the rooms, but they don’t. Nico doubted those two would’ve been stupid enough to just do it in the hallways. Realistically, neither girls want to see either Gert or Chase naked. Nico is very, _very_ sure about that fact.

Karolina, on the hand, isn’t a bit concerned about walking in on Gert and Chase, or _at all_. Naked, possibly going at it Gert and Chase wasn't exactly a thought present in her consciousness. Karolina tagged along with Nico for the sake of tagging along with her. She tried to at least pay attention, let her eyes wander around the venue in search of their two missing friends, but Nico was ( _is_ ) at the forefront of Karolina’s mind. And, in all honesty, she’d just been lagging behind Nico the entire time, a little flattered that Nico had asked her to come along (until she realized that Nico’s only other options was a guy she’s evidently pissed at, a girl who wasn’t even supposed to be there at all, and a freaking dinosaur.

 _Still_ , Karolina allows, at least she’s the one with Nico right now).

The butterflies in Karolina’s stomach are doing something a little more violent than fluttering about. Her heart is beating against her ribs hard enough it’s almost surprising they haven’t jumped out of her chest. There’s a lump in her throat the size of Texas she’s been trying to swallow down for the past couple of minutes, and her mouth feels unbelievably dry. Karolina keeps waiting for the right moment, but—

“No one’s down here.”

Karolina stops, turns. Breathes.

“We must’ve miss them.”

With the butterflies in her gut rioting and her heart hammering away faster than it did when she fell off a building, Karolina decides to be brave. _Now or never_ , she thinks. The possibility of never being likely if/when the consequences of their decision to stand against their parents finally catches up. (Or, really, just because Nico could be straight. Or in love with Alex. Or straight. Both. Straight. Really, Nico doesn’t have to be in love with anybody, and the world could be perfectly fine. If Nico was straight, that was that. Unless one of Karolina’s undiscovered abilities is transforming into a man then— Except _that’s_ not what Karolina wants. Karolina just wants to be with Nico. And if Nico’s straight, _or_ if Nico's not straight but doesn’t want her anyway then—)

The difference, Karolina slowly realizes, between falling from a building and falling in love with someone is that she can fly. She could fall from any height and catch herself before she crashes.

“Let’s head back?”

Karolina nods, remembers she’s supposed to be brave. Now or never echoes in her head like a mantra, “Wait. I—”

Nico pauses and takes a step back. Now was as good a time as any to listen to the voice in the back of her head pressing her to stop and look at Karolina. So, she does. “Are you alright?” (And, okay, she’s concerned.)

Karolina’s head slightly jerks in a poor approximation of a nod. She opens her mouth but the Texas-sized lump blocks off any of the words she might have tried to say. Instead, Karolina takes a step forward and pulls Nico closer.

Nico lets her. (Or, at least, she doesn’t pull away.)

Karolina takes another breath, softly shivering, and waits for the other girl to move away. Nico doesn’t, instead her gaze flickers down towards Karolina’s mouth before meeting her gaze.

 _You’re beautiful_ , Karolina wants to say, but the words remain lodged in her throat as she stares, entranced, one hand gently brushing against Nico’s face. She doesn’t miss the way Nico looks at her lips.

Nico sees it coming the moment Karolina pulled her in. There were no questions about what that moment had meant, especially when Karolina’s hand touches her face and settles against her neck. There were no questions when she feels the slight tug (the one in the back of her head meeting the subtle pull of Karolina’s hand) and sees Karolina leaning in.

Nico knew what to expect, maybe even anticipated it, but nothing stops the surprise and wonder rolling off her skin like waves lightly dancing against the shore.

Time slows down, and something finally clicks in the back of Nico’s head. Pieces of the mystery of Karolina that she’s been puzzling over falls into place. Nico realizes that she’s seen the look on Karolina’s face before. Nico recognizes the glimmer dancing behind her blue eyes as Karolina searches her face for permission or disapproval (Nico finds herself frozen).

“ _And to be honest about who I want to be with_.”

Nico realizes, _Oh_.

Time stops.

She feels Karolina’s lips against hers like an unspoken question. (Nico would be lying if she said she didn’t sorta meet Karolina half way the first time.) The kiss was gentle yet sure, insistent like—

 _Oh_.

Nico frowns, but only barely. (Nothing about this was bad if she feels as thrilled as the first time she made it snow.) She opens her eyes and she’s met with the sight of long blonde hair resting against pale skin. Everything is bathed in warm light. Nico catches sight of Karolina’s fluttering eye lids.

Nico breaks the kiss, but she doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t want Karolina to think she doesn’t want this, doesn’t want Karolina to pull away. (Nico feels the blonde girl’s thumb move against her skin like a reassurance, _I’m not going anywhere_.

 _Good_ , because Nico wants her to stay.)

Time crawls to a halt as Karolina waits for Nico’s next move. Her fears threaten to pull her away but she keeps her feet planted on the ground, she keeps herself grounded in Nico’s gaze, and watches as dark eyes flicker towards her lips. (Karolina almost smiles.)

(When Nico looked into Karolina’s eyes she saw trepidation and anxiety, the wanting and the yearning. Most of all, Nico saw answers to questions she hasn’t even begun asking.) Nico is scared but she’s sure. She’s sure she wants Karolina as much as the other girl wants her. She doesn’t need Karolina to ask her — was it just an act? — because this time around, Nico is sure it’s real. She's sure that the growing warmth in her chest is no longer memory of some wanting and some fondness that she was clinging to.

Time resumes.

Nico’s eyes flicker shut, she leans in. She feels herself falling, and it’s a good thing one of them knows how to fly.

(The waves crash against the rocks.)

Kissing Karolina feels like being kissed for the first time. Nico wonders if this is how kisses were supposed to be like after all. She feels herself coming alive and the world falling away in calm quiescence. Quiet certainty nestles in Nico’s chest, making itself at home. Her heart swells with awe and she shivers with delight.

(The rocks become aware of how it meets the rolling tide.)

Karolina is all at once unyielding and tender. Nico feels her smiling into the kiss. Karolina pulls away, Nico chases her lips. Between the two of them, someone takes a breath, Nico thinks it’s Karolina but she wouldn’t be so surprise if it was her instead. Karolina fills her senses, her thoughts. Soft lips, gentle hands…

Nico feels light and grounded at the same time. She wonders if this is what it felt like to be bathed in rainbow and stardust. The kiss breaks, but no illusion dissipates. There are no illusions after all, just reality rushing in and meeting realization halfway. Nico can’t help the half-smile that ghosts her lips.

“Whoa.” She can’t keep the reverence out of the startled whisper either.

Nico is reeling, but in a good way. Her mind is trying to catch up with the tingling sensation left on her lips.

“Sorry.” There’s a smile in Karolina’s voice despite its shakiness that makes Nico’s gaze flitter towards the blonde girl’s black lipstick-smudged lips before before meeting her gaze.

Neither of the two girls pull away from each other, both are lost in the other’s stare, bewilderment meets awe, curiosity meets assurance. Karolina’s eyes remind Nico of happier days. When she knew nothing of her parents scheming and Amy’s laughter was still ringing in her ears, blending with hers. They remind Nico of one of her favorite memories (vacation with her family, house by the sea, cup of hot chocolate in hand, sea breeze all around her. The world was quiet, peaceful, and happy). Nico imagines she can see the horizon she saw then in Karolina’s eyes. Where the sun was only beginning to show itself, but its rays had already painted the view with golden warmth. And there, in Karolina’s blue gaze, Nico sees the point where the sky touches the ocean.

“I’ve just wanted to do that for a really long time,” ( _Me too, apparently_ , Nico muses. It felt like a yearning finally met halfway. For a moment, Nico wonders if there was a version of her in some other world who had wanted what _she_ had gotten).

Nico can feel the warmth of Karolina’s hand on her shoulders bleeding through the thick fabric of her clothes. She listens to Karolina, enthralled and wrapped in fondness. (More than just a little bit curious if Karolina’s voice always sounds that husky after being kissed.)

“And after tonight I—” Karolina’s voice gets caught in her throat, disbelief coloring wonderment. Her fingers, trembling, brush against Nico’s hair. “I didn’t know if I’d get the chance.” A hint of quiet sadness and uncertainty finds its way in Karolina’s tone (these are things, Nico comes to realize, that Karolina must’ve been struggling with and, _gods_ , the deer-in-the-headlights look suddenly made sense. Nico suddenly becomes aware of the fact that there was probably more pain in Karolina’s expression that day than she could have ever fathomed. Guilt stabs at her chest, ever familiar and with a vengeance. Nico tries to say something but all she musters is a shaky breath).

Nico hears footsteps behind them. She still hasn’t said anything, doesn’t know how to, but hopes Karolina knows that she finds a certain comfort in the fact that Karolina is still smiling.

Nico catches sight of Gert and Chase just as they come to a halt. They look like two kids who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar (or, in this case, with their hands fixing their clothes right after—) Nico realizes, with some amusement, that she _was_ right about them having sex. However, whatever quip she was about to make dies on her tongue when she realizes that neither she nor Karolina has moved away from each other and Karolina’s hand is still on her shoulder. And Karolina's lips are still stained dark from her lipstick.

Teasing those two would have been a little bit satisfying except, Nico realizes, pressing her lips together, _I was just making out with Karolina_. She draws lips into her mouth at the memory, and, _okay_ , that was definitely more satisfying than snarking Gert and Chase. The snarking can wait.

Nico casts a quick glance back at Karolina, her heart racing in sync with the other girl’s. Karolina looks at her tentatively and Nico practically feels the worry radiating off of the girl. (Still, neither of them make a move to step away from the other. Maybe it’s the surprise that keeps them rooted in the spot, maybe it’s because neither of them really wants to move apart).

“We should go,” Chase finally breaks the silence.

Despite herself, Nico finds that she’s pleased with the strangled sound of acknowledgement that Karolina makes (not that small noise she makes in the back of her throat was any better, but), Nico’s even more pleased when she catches the girl wiping away at the smudged lipstick. Nico wonders if Karolina saw the small smirk playing on her lips.

The walk back is quiet, nobody wants to acknowledge the elephant in the room (the dinosaur in the car?) They all pile in the car like obedient little kids, quiet and a touch sheepish. Nobody comments on the weirdly tensed atmosphere (easily dismissible as being due to whatever mayhem they’re about to cause).

Still, for the first time in weeks, Nico feels a degree calmer. She can feel Karolina sneaking glances her way (wonders if she’s been doing that all along and it’s only now that Nico’s become aware of it). Nico steals glances Karolina’s way too (sometimes, their gazes meet). The trepidation and anxiety builds in Nico’s chest the farther they get from the school and the closer they get to the construction site. For now, Nico doesn’t let herself worry too much. Instead, she lets herself think of Karolina. She smiles.

“ _Karolina you want to come_?”

Nico would be lying if she said she regretted being petty.


End file.
